Three Steps Away

He used to sit on my lap during worship, or any other time we happened to be sitting.  But now, when Ethan gets mad at me because I want him to be still, or stand up, or focus his attention on something important...now, he stands three steps away.

I watched, and counted.  One.  Two.  Three steps...to get away from me.  And there he stood, simmering by himself, focusing his attention on what he wanted to focus on.

The gap looked like a chasm.

So this is how it is...three steps, then four, then five.  And the heart kind of breaks a little.

But this is how it is.  They have to do this.  We have to do this.  We have to move away...to lose ourselves ...and find ourselves?

But my head and heart don't connect...they don't agree.  Not now.  Not right now.  Later...my heart will catch up.  It will.

But three steps...

Minutes later, as we stood for the final prayer, he was next to me.  And I put my hand on his shoulder and slid it slowly down.  And he reached up...and took my hand.  And there we stood, holding hands with our heads bowed.  Gratitude.

Three steps...not four.  Not yet.