A New Season

Interesting that opening day of catch and release bass season revealed that our family has entered a new season of life.

For the first time, I was able to take my boys fishing and that's what we ended up doing...the whole time. Not changing lures every three casts (as is typical for a young boy who's not catching a bass every cast), not whining and complaining and acting just like every other three year old. Just fishing.

On this day, we fished...and talked...and laughed...and played. On this day we were just a dad and his boys enjoying what we all love to do...together.

I think I'm going to like this new season.

Click here to catch a glimpse: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vio3L7YSiZQ

Spontaneous

Shell, in a spontaneous mood, told Ethan, "Let's get out of here...just you and me. Let's go to Traverse City right now!"

Ethan thought for a moment. "No. I don't have my bathing suit with me."

"We could get a new one when we get to T.C.," Shell replied.

"Nope. I want mine."

Shell had heard this sort of response before.

"You're just like your dad."

Big?

Last night Ethan and Ezra were having a conversation while waiting for me to come in and read them books before bed.

Ezra: "Watch out for the big butt!"
Ethan: "Don't have to. No one in our family has a big butt."
Ezra: "Daddy does!"
Ethan: "Daddy has the littlest butt in the world."
Ezra: Silence

Ahh...the beauty of perspective.

Shame

After a fight with a friend which ended in frustration and anger, I sat talking with Ethan hoping, instead of the usual surface response, that he might reveal a glimpse into his soul.

How do you feel?

"I feel angry."

Why do you feel angry?

"Because Carlson laughed at me."

My heart began to sink. I knew where this was headed.

Why do you feel angry when someone laughs at you?

"Because I feel stupid...I feel stupid when people laugh at me."

There it is. The seeds of shame have begun to grow. The battle for the soul of my child has begun. It's the battle of humanity. It's the battle that causes us to question our worth...our identity.

Ethan feels stupid when someone laughs at him because he wonders if perhaps he IS something to laugh at. He wonders if there is something wrong with him. He does not yet know for certain that he was created beautiful...exactly as he was intended to be. He does not yet know that failing to catch a ball does not mean you are a failure. For now, who he is and what he does are too closely linked.

I feel the weight of this battle. I feel the weight of the responsibility of battling on behalf of my children. And I feel angry too. But it is an anger coupled with resolve. I am up for the battle. But I'm going to need some help.

This will be my prayer.

Lord, help me to remember how it feels to be a child and face what a child faces. Give me strength and resolve to remind my boys often of their immense value, regardless of what they do. Help me to remind them that they are created beautiful...exactly right. And protect them, Lord, against the subtle seeds of shame that seek to steal and destroy them. So let it be. So let it be.

Gross

There comes a time in every little boy's life when he realizes his Mom and Dad aren't simply his Mom and Dad...but real people with real wants and desires of their own. Ethan came to his realization last night.

"Stop kissing all the time...it grosses me out."